Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
