You smell like stripper and shame
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
