i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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