eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can I color on your dick again?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
