Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
