So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
