um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
