Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
