I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
