The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
