I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
