I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
