remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
