I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
