I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
