I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
