cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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