Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
