Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
