So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize