you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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