allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
how drunk are you?
Several
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
