omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
