if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
