Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
