Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
