Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
