Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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