Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is Oprah even human
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
