My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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