Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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