Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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