I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
