: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
