oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
