he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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