The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
