you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
