Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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