Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
