So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
