If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
