Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
