I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
