dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
