Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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