I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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