wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
