I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
