you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i think i just lost a toe
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
