Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
