worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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